So far I've been brave, well I think I was. I'm writing you this message because this year has been difficult for me. So much happened that I can't believe it's only been a year and not a lifetime. I remember you telling me that no matter what I'll be okay, well quite frankly I'm not sure about that. This year, I had to face deception, heartbreak and death, the usual....
I really missed you even though I know that the people we love never really leave us when they die but sometimes you need the person to be there physically not just metaphorically speaking.
Sometimes, you need a conversation not a monologue.
You know I never was a believer but since you've been gone, believing that someday somehow I'll see you again, helped me get on with life. Honestly, if you don't believe in anything, life is not worth it.
I want to believe that like you said everything will be alright bit for the first time in eight years I doubt it. As Joseph Campbell said " We must let go of the life we have planned, as to accept the one that is waiting for us." Trust me when I say I did, more than once...
I'm just not sure I can do this anymore. I know I'll sound very childish but I need you dad more than ever. I need to hug me and tell me that everything' s gonna be alright. So if you're there somewhere, I need you.
By the way, I will always love, dad and you did a terrific job as a father. Someone said that as they grow older children start to judge their parents, and sometimes they forgive them. Well Dad I forgive you for your mistakes.
Love you always
K xxx
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